-_-

no one can understand what i felt. everyone said i was wrong, i was so stubborn, i was so egoist and anything else. well, i know i was wrong but they do not know what i'm thinking of! i really do not mean like that, i just... i just a little bit scared if my bad past happen again. just it! why no one understand it? i just scared if you will be with her someday! and leave me when i feel so need you! am i wrong if i thought like that? why in every problems, i always wrong and i should apologize although i'm not wrong. why no one can understand if i doubt, hesitate, scared? they only can said, "do not like that, pity him" and another fuckin sentences. why you could say something that you never know why it could be happened? you're so fuckin smartass btch!!!! so.. what should i do now?shittyyyyyyyy!!!!

hurt

oh gooood sekarang kejadian lagiii. semua yg due takutin kejadian lagi yaampun kenapa sihhh? ini karma? tapi gue ngelakuin apa sampe 2 kali gini? dulu wkt gue udh ngrasa syg sm dia eh dia dateng trs chat ginigitu trs yg kayaknya mereka deket bgt sampe satu hal kejadian yaitu kalo dia sm dia udh bener2 deket. kenapa gitu? kenapa waktu gue ngrasa gue bener2 ada rasa lebih buat dia, eh dia dateng dengan gampangnya?itu bener2 sakit ya.... trs sekarang bener2 kejadian lagiiiiii yaampun. dia ngebandingin sm dia huft sakitnya dibandingin. gadi bandingin pun gue tau dia jauh lbh perfect. iya gue nyadar bgt2an kok. jujur gue langsung mikir kalo lo bakal sm dia suatu hari. lo sm dia waktu gue syg sm lo dan bener2 ngebutuhin lo, gue takut kalo itu bakal kejadian!! garagara itu apa gue gausah sm sekali sama lo?

I hate being compared with her.
if you're not compared me with her anything, I've really understood if she was much better than me.
honestly, I'm afraid that used to happen, happen again.
why? why should this fuckin problem happen when I've felt something with you?
now all what i'm dreaming on was scorched...
I'm scared if you'll be with her someday.
maybe, it's better hurt at the beginning rather than at the end when i feel really need you.:(

u,u

maybe this is the way
i just can see your shadow
please do not say, say, and say
but just show, show, and show

u,u

who doesn't know glee?
they got famous because they have an excess
i just need to see your struggle
not your fuckin sentences

T.T

hffft gakerasa ya udh 40 hari nenek sm nenek buyut gue meninggal, sekarang gue udah gapunya nenek lagi deh. ya allah kenapa sih kejadiannya cepet banget? kenapa harus langsung dua yang meninggal? semuanya kayak gapernah kejadian.... gue inget banget kejadiannya. pertama nenek gue udh ada rencana pulang ke medan sm tante gue sabtu sore, terus garagara katanya nenek buyut gue sakit nenek gue pulangnya jadi pagipagi. besoknya kayak biasa nenek gue ngasih uang sblm pulang(Sekitar jam stgh 5), terus udah akhirnya gue nganterin nenek sm tante gue ke airport. gue inget banget dijalan gue masih bercanda, ketawa, peluk2an, pokoknya have fun. akhirnya nyampe di airport sekitar jan stgh 6. bokap gue markir mobil, terus gue, nenek gue, nykp, sm tante gue mau check-in tp gue sm nenek gue nunggu diluar jadinya nykp sm tante gue yg check-in. nenek gue bilang, " haduh aku inget biskuit ku ketinggalan dikamar kamu." gue," yang mana? aku ga liat." nenek gue," ada bungkusnya warna merah, itu enak loh itu dari turki aku bawa kemarin." gue,"ooh, aku ga liat sih. emg kenapa?" nenek gue," rasanya aku laper, kayaknya perutku lgsg bunyi kalo laper." gue,"karo(panggilan nenek gue) laper? mau aku beliin apa?" nenek gue," iya aku laper, disini ada jual teh panas ga nak?" gue,"ada kok, mau aku beliin?" nenek gue,"yaudah tolong ya nak, taro sini aja teh nya(smbl ngasih tupperware). akhirnya gue beli, waktu selesai beli gue kasih nenek gue sekalian kembaliannya. tibatiba diem gaada yang ngomong. trs tiba tiba nenek gue kayak titip pesen gitu, dia blg," oh iya vy nanti kan bulan maret bapak kamu mau ke medan, bilangin ya karo nitip baju2 karo yang masih dirumah kamu." gue blg, "iyaiya nanti aku bilangin." trs nyokap gue dateng kyk capek gt, trs bilang ke nenek gue "ayo, udh mau take-off pesawatnya, minah (tante gue) udh nunggu diatas." akhirnya udh nenek gue sm nykp gue masuk ke dalem nykp gue cuma nganterin smp tempat bayar airport text. waktu nykp gue nganterin nenek gue, gue sm bokap gue nunggu di terminal c, soalnya keluarnya disitu. akhirnya ibu gue keluar smbl ngosngosan blg,"aduh itu dapet ga ya pesawatnya? udh mau take off." kata bokap gue, "bisalah , pasti bisa kok" akhirnya udh kan trs bokap gue ngajak sarapan diluar akhirnya gue, nykp, bokap mulai jalan ke tempat parkiran baru beberaps langkah tiba2 ada yg nelfon nykp gue, dia blg nenek gue pingsan. gue, nykp, sm bkp langsung lari kedalem. wkt itu gue takut bgt nyokap gue ketabrak, nykp gue bener2 langsung lari bodo amet mau ada mobil apa engga. akhirnya masuk kedalem disana gue ngliat nenek gue udh kyk tiduran gitu dilantai trs tante gue nangis2, akhir gue, nykp, sm bokap nyamperin trs nanya ini gimana? ayo kita bawa kerumah sakit. trs ada yg bilang "udh gaada bu." gue langsung yang kayak diem, nangis yaampun itu gue bener2 kaget, gapercaya, dll. akhirnya dibawa ke poliklinik bandara, itu saat terakhir gue ngliat nenek gue. jadi nenek gue meninggal jam 5.55 wib hffffft, terus 3 jam kemudian sodara gue yg di medan nelfon kalo nenek buyut gue meninggal. gue yg langsung nyesek bgt gila 1 hari udh 2 nenek gue meninggal ya ampun ckckck. padahal gue sm nenek gue udh buat janji2 gitu. nenek gue mau ke turki lagi bulan 6 tp gaada temen, trs nenek gue bilang," vy kamu mau nemenin karo ga?" gue blg," mau bgttt tapi kau gapunya paspor," kata nenek gue,"mangkanya kamu nabung buat bikin paspor, nanti ongkos sm semuanya karo yg bayarin." trs nenek gue janji kalo misalnya udh panen mau ganti handphone bareng,dll. sekarang? semuanya gaada, gaakan, dan gabakalan kejadian smp kapan pun. ya allah sayangin nenenk2 aku seperti mereka menyayangiku ya, jangan buat mereka sedih, sakit, atau apapun yang membuat ereka menangis... kalo misalnya pahal mereka kurang, ambil aja semua pahala aku... gapapa kok aku rela, tapi jgn sakitin mereka yaaa plissssss amin22222222222 :(

pantun8 ;)

if there's a man
there's will a woman
if there's a batman
there's will a superman
if there's a cat-woman
there's will a superwoman
i am is your biggest fan
to get your photos i will ran
no matter how popular justin bieber, according to me you're the only one i adore

i will loved you as i can
i will cared you as i can
i will trust you as i can
i will make you happy as i can
i will make you smile as i can
i will make you laugh as i can
i will erase your sadness as i can
i will make you feel comfort with me as i can
and i always trying how to do all of that and to be with you like earth and atmosphere.

pantun7 ;)

let's go to golden coast
and we will dance like a ghost
i love you the most
and i will never ever make you lost